Like all things, a series of events lead me to where I am seated now. Many of you know how interesting the past two years have been for me. For those who don’t, I want to recapitulate as it enforces the tremendous roles that mindfulness & meditation played in my life. I also hope it nudges you to start a daily meditation practice!
I spent a large portion of winter, two years ago, in solitude. Save for Lola. My daily cycle, was just that, a cycle. Get up, go to work, grab sushi, come home, cry in tub, snuggle Lola, sleep and repeat. I felt a loneliness that I would not wish upon anyone and I imagine I was a difficult person to be around during that time. On the outside, I did my best to keep it together. On the inside, I was struggling and beginning to fade.
Within the span of few months, I had experienced the death of my Aunt, and her daughter shortly thereafter; a divorce & the associated life changes; and the death of a close friend’s father, all while shuffling through the task of waking up to work at a job that I didn’t align with. I remember the day I made the conscious decision to take some time off work, because if I didn’t, I was afraid I would have a psychotic break.
During that time, I fell apart and surrendered. I filled my journal, some days with mindless drivel, others with elaborate dreams and plans. I flew to NS to let my family take care of me. And I made the commitment to myself to meditate more often. At that point in my life, I would meditate here and there, mostly guided, and would consider myself a ‘spiritual’ person. I turned inward and got still. Meditation suddenly switched from being something I would do to help me fall asleep, to a way of life. I found my mantra: Be yourself. Be authentic. It became the cornerstone in my life, and what I turned to as the next few months further unfolded.
I made the decision (during my first floatation session, actually!) to quit my job and move back to Halifax after eight years in BC. I did not realize the profound effect this would have on me and still experience tiny electric shocks of ‘Oh, wow!’. The last two months in BC were exhausting. My Uncle passed away suddenly. And, exactly one month before he and I were slated to drive across Canada together, my best friend died. I found out the news while at work, and had to be driven home. I didn’t sleep that night, and stayed up watching Wayne’s World while sipping scotch. The following day, I stayed home and meditated while pouring out as much love from my heart as I could to Devan’s family & friends. I needed to feel close and connect with my friends and meditation was my vehicle.
I meditated a lot about ‘finding my purpose’ because I felt absolutely lost, aimlessly wandering and not knowing how I could best serve. When my job in NS fell through unexpectedly, I went to search out a float centre here in the city and came up null. Shortly thereafter, I was laying lazily on my bed in the sun – enjoying that moment – when I had the ‘Ah-ha’ moment that sparked what is now the beginning phases of The Floatation Centre.
And even today, after this draft had sat here for quite a number of days, I experienced a tiny personal blow. My first reaction is to be gentle with myself, instead of falling into the old habits of self deprecation – an awareness which I learned through meditation. Become cognizant of what your mind is telling you, feed it with positive thoughts, and don’t listen to your ego-mind BS. Be oh so gentle on yourself! Love yourself a little bit more. Remind yourself that you cannot control the actions of others.
Most importantly, remember: This shit takes time.
And get ready to attract a metric f-tonne of amazing people into your life! [I love being back in Halifax so much it makes my heart explode. #iluvyouguys]
I am so supportive of the great things that are going on in this city. People here follow their passions, in one way or another, and this vibe inspired me to go ahead and do the same. I can’t wait to share floating with everyone because it helps put you into that relaxed meditative state. And perhaps, just perhaps, you’ll be inspired from feeling totally blissed-out in a float tank you’ll want to practice meditation a bit more at home 🙂
ALL of the love and ALL of the gratitude.